Why Ketchup Won't Do

“You’re a Philistine...how can you? Just taste it first.”

The Maharani bristled as I squished a slick of Heinz Ketchup next to the cheesy potato crust of Cottage Pie. There it sat with the familiarity of lifelong friends, like it belonged, it knew its place, to complement the rich meaty depth of minced beef and its other companions. It gave the dish confidence and bravado, like a bigger worldly wise pal out with his smaller friend. No, I was convinced that Heinz Ketchup was...is the Daddy of condiments, I mean what else do you dip chips into? (not frites), what’s the singular most transforming ingredient you can add to fish finger sandwiches, bacon sarnies, ham n eggs, burgers, bangers, Shepherd’s Pie, fish n chips..you get the picture. I am, also have been, always will be a staunch devotee of Heinz Tomato Ketchup.

I can’t however, begin to entertain, let alone think about applying the red sheen of its lycopenetic allure to accompany any of the curry I’ve been reared on, it would be like voting Simon Cowell into GQ’s league of ‘Best Dressed Men’, utterly wrong. So, at the risk of committing curry faux pas here’s the rule for spiced condiments, they generally complement curries which fall into one of four categories, creamy, salty, spicy or tangy. This home-made recipe of sharp, tangy yet sweet chutney is like a bespoke Saville Row number, it’s totally made for a salty, vegetarian form like sweetcorn daal or tarka spiced dishes. Swirl it through recipes at the last moment before serving, use it as a dipping sauce, glaze a plate with it (providing that chi chi restaurant finish) or use it on chips (joke..don’t mess with ketchup territory).